If not now, when?
A paragraph from my prayer journal on March 20th, 2021.
As I was writing in my journal over 3 years ago on Saturday, March 20th, 2021 at 10:57p, so much of what I was writing during this time reflected on the unhealthy political environment. I was questioning whether I should speak out or keep my thoughts to myself. I never enjoyed talking about politics, but I was also tired of hearing people talk out of their you know what. Maybe you can relate?
For the purposes of this blog, I’ve decided not to share all that I wrote in my journal from that day (at least for now), but I wanted to share this last paragraph I wrote (see below).
For context, my family and I had been watching a TV series about Jesus’s life called The Chosen. As I was praying (writing), this particular scene (from the final episode of season 1) popped in my head.
This is what I wrote in my prayer journal…
When am I supposed to act? When am I supposed to speak up? I feel called to stay silent right now, but it is so difficult. You have me waiting a lot right now. I’m waiting to see what happens in the business. I’m waiting for the right time for my voice to be heard on these subjects that matter. “If not now, when?”
That is my question.
And wow! The clarity you just brought me. [Love when that happens.] My role is Simon Peter in this story. I’m sitting at the table with the other disciples questioning everything. Why are the miracles you are performing private and not yet public? I want to shout the truth, but you are simply calling me to follow you. I’m not leading, you are. I just realized that my time will come. My role is to follow and learn from YOU. Thank you for this clarity.
Like Peter, I will follow you to the ends of the Earth.
Today, I am at a stage of life where I strive to be very intentional about the steps I am taking and about the words coming from my mouth. In the past, I’ve reacted on emotion and it can be dangerous when you let this happen.
I’m spending time in the Word of God. I’m also learning and educating myself on the things that matter in this world so if I choose to speak, I know what I am talking about and not just contributing to the noise that exists today. Most importantly, I challenge myself to speak life into those around me and remember that those that I am speaking to are children of God as well. (Admittedly, this is often way easier said than done.)
If you are like me and often questioning, “If not now, when?” Just know that the Lord’s timing is perfect. He’s a craftsman and works each and every step with such intentionality. I used to be impatient and hurried and today I’m excited to watch God’s precise plan unfold.
Even when you don’t see it, He’s working. (Credit: “Way Maker” by Leeland)
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